Hosting a Bridgerton

[ridofthethrone]

There is no shortage of beautiful houses in London, if you're part of the aristocracy. Even a prince from a country as remote as Albion can keep a handsome residence within the city. It is, of course, the royal residence for his family rather than his alone. Which is why it's as large and well situated as it is, sitting a little further out than some of the smaller homes to account for its garden and unnecessarily large rooms.

Since his arrival, Logan has made strides in repairing and renovating the building to bring it back up to its former glory for the sake of maintaining appearances, and to ensure the building's longevity. It is not the largest or the most beautiful of buildings that England has to offer, but with Logan's help it is the best lit. Any guest will be hard pressed to find a room which cannot be swiftly lit beyond comparison once darkness falls.

Despite it being a perfect building for a ball, none have been hosted here since becoming part of Albion's royal estate. Eventually Logan suspects he will have to relent to that particular requirement. For now, however, he prefers solitude. And, perhaps, the very occasional, very specific guest.

Eloise's imminent arrival has sent a flurry of previously unknown activity through the building. There are rooms to be prepared, food to be made ready, and maids who will actually have a lady to look after for once. As soon as her carriage arrives Eloise is greeted by several of the staff standing ready.

Logan, dressed smartly in deep purple and black, stays put until his guest approaches whereupon he offers a shallow bow. "Welcome. I hope your journey was not too arduous."

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[ridofthethrone]

Logan's brow rises at the revelations Eloise offers. It explains a lot about why she's so fearless in her pursuit. Of the two of them he seems by far the more cautious. Although perhaps Eloise is simply more practiced at disguising her concern. A part of Logan can't help but ensure to remember what she tells him. Cruel as it might be, there is the possibility that should Eloise's family become troublesome, a little reminder of these things might cause them to dismount any high horse they perch upon. This, however, is an unkind thought. One from a part of him he feels must rest firmly with his past. For Eloise's sake, if nothing else.

His hand takes hers so that he can hold it warmly as he finds his words. And they do need to be found, for they don't come easily.

"I must confess something, Eloise," he tells her gently. "I fear you may find me a coward in my hesitancy. I have loved my parents, and lost them both. I have loved friends, and lost them all. I love my sister, and my country, and lost their love in turn."

With a sigh he turns his troubled brow to Eloise. "So I fear that in loving you some terrible fate might befall you also."

[bridgertons]

The softness on her face does not falter as he speaks. The fine lines around her mouth turn from a smile into a frown, but she changes her position on the couch so that she can pull him close. A gentle tug pulls him close, and Eloise offers her lap for him to rest his head, if he so chooses.

"Oh, Logan." It's barely above a whisper, but her words are full of emotion. "I was with my father when he passed. I have faced the days since with a resolve to not fear what will come for us all, as there's nothing to be done about it other than live."

She doesn't have experience with the rest of it, but her hand remains in his as she takes a breath, her grey eyes watching him. He is a man, yes, but he is also a boy and a soldier and so many things mixed into one body and mind. "It must be so impossible to be you," she sighs, shaking her head. "I always thought that my life was most complicated, but I can admit that I know nothing about complication. But I know that your fear should not keep you from living a life that might actually make you happy."

[ridofthethrone]

No one has offered such gentleness to him in a long time. For long enough that he'd learned many years ago not to seek it out or hope for it. Though he allows himself to be pulled close, partly out of uncertainty, he doesn't go so far as to lay his head on her lap. That would be too much, surely. He is already showing enough weakness as it is.

Eloise is being so kind to him. He doesn't want to bring such dark concerns to her. It would be easy to point out that the voices cheering for his execution were louder than those that didn't, which makes 'living' a somehow controversial move. Besides, he's not concerned about himself. He's concerned about what might happen to her should she so much as associate with him.

"It makes me happy to know you are happy, and full of life. It often feels as if I have a cursed touch. As if I must find where the line of my happiness stops just short of being a detriment to what I care most about." Logan is silent for a moment before he looks at Eloise. "I won't let you down. I won't let fear stop me from doing as I wish. But I feel it nonetheless, and you wished me to be honest with you. All my hesitation is not caused by you, never by you, but by the fear of what might become of you should I persevere."

[bridgertons]

For as intelligent as Eloise often considers herself to be, there is often something left in the background of her mind that is crucial to a conversation. It might be that the day is of significant importance or that she was meant to do something that she promised her mama, but this time the truth hit her so severely and suddenly that she felt like she might be sick.

Her arms wrap around him as much as they can before she rests her chin on his arm and nods. It makes sense now, and the smile that she had been holding for so long now fades from her face before she speaks.

"You mean that you worry that they will kill me."

It truly hadn't occurred to her. She considered many ways that people from his land might hurt both of them to get back at Logan for his actions, but the thought of them killing her to prove a point was so far from her mind that it was never treated as a possibility. Now that the thought has entered her mind, it is the only thing she could see that would truly hold him back, and it scares her. Death, and the fact that he would keep himself from her to avoid it.

"Surely you do not mean for something as eventual as death to keep us apart."

[ridofthethrone]

"Yes." The confirmation is low and quiet, but definite.

The idea that someone might seek her out to hurt him is one which has plagued him. It has grown in his mind like choking brambles as each possibility has been considered. Were they to begin a family, there are those who hate him so much that they might seek to end the life of his wife and children, simply to remove any trace of him in the world. Or if not against him personally, then the royal line, or the only known line of Heroes.

"The number of attempts on my life outside of battle rivals how many proposals you have had. If I were to be the cause of your death, in any way, I couldn't bear it."

At least if she married someone else if were she to die in childbirth he could avenge her. What could he do if he were her husband? How could he not hold himself responsible? If her family asked him if Eloise would be safe with him, he couldn't give them the answer they want. The answer they deserve.

"I think about it constantly. I want for you to live a long and happy life, and I fear I might not be able to give that to you."

[bridgertons]

Eloise sits with this. Her hands are gentle as they travel across the fabric of his shirt. She's trying her best to think the situation through and find an answer to problems that can't be solved, but that won't stop her from wanting to try. The stubborn Bridgerton trait is no mere rumour, after all.

As she speaks, her words are soft and slow. By nature, Eloise is not comforting or nurturing. She lacks the finesse that most women seem to have naturally.

"I would rather have a life of caution in abundance than choose to not be with you at all."

She sighs and shakes her head. "Is there truly no convincing you that I am willing to walk into a life with you even if if means enduring difficulties? Do you think that the best place for me is a safe palace with no challenges and a life that is so safe that I one day wonder if I have actually lived?"

[ridofthethrone]

Logan sighs in turn and sits up, pondering the difficulty they find themselves in.

"I fear that you believe that now, that you would choose this, but that a lifetime of it will make you resentful. If I were another man, I could release you from such a thing, but as a prince... Once you are my wife, you will always be my wife." And just saying that aloud makes him thrum with joy and knot with worry.

Looking at her, his troubled gaze scans over her face and he lifts a hand to brush the hair away from her eyes. How nice to be able to touch her freely like this. How lovely.

"What will we do if you regret this choice?"

[bridgertons]

Her voice is calm and her tone carries steady conviction. She does not reach for him, but her presence is quiet and sure. “You think that fear makes you less, but it does not. It only means that you care enough to want to keep someone who matters to you safe. I think most people would call that human.”

She looks at the floor for a moment before meeting his eyes again. “I will not let fear make my choices for me. The world is uncertain, and it always will be, but we cannot stop living because of that. We can still choose to move forward, even when it feels impossible.”

Eloise lets out a slow breath. “You have faced more than most, but you are still here. That is not weakness, Logan. That is strength. I hope you are able to see that, with me.”

[ridofthethrone]

She still wants to be with him. Regardless of what she might regret in later years. Regardless of the risk of tragedy. What else can he do but accept it, embrace it? He could insist that they part, for her sake. And then what? He stays alone forever? Or he marries someone who he cares less for? Could he really do that to someone? Perhaps. If he had no choice. But he does have a choice.

There is enough standing in their way without him doing the same.

Logan takes her hands in his, patting hers gently before he looks her in the eye. "If you are certain, which it seems you are, then I will court you properly, Eloise Bridgerton. I will give you all that I have."

[bridgertons]

Eloise feels his hands close around hers, and her first instinct is to pull back. For most of her life she has avoided anything that felt like it might trap her. She has watched others rush toward marriage while she stood apart, certain that such things were not meant for her. The idea of tying her future to someone has always made her uneasy, as if she might lose herself in the process. As if she would lose everything that ever made her Eloise Bridgerton in the first place.

But she does not pull away now.

“I am certain,” she says, though her voice is quiet at first. “You know I never planned for this. I never expected to want something like this at all. Most days the thought of marriage or courtship still makes my stomach twist.” She pauses, steadying her breath. “However.”

Her fingers tighten gently around his, a sign of resolve rather than comfort. “If you wish to court me, then I will meet you in that choice. I will not only meet you, I will run toward it. I feel like this is the first choice I've made for myself that's challenged me to actually hold every possibility in my mind. You. You are that choice.”

She holds his gaze without looking away. “I am nervous. But I am ready.”

[ridofthethrone]

One of these days he'll get used to Eloise's ramblings, and wait until she finishes instead of hanging on to every word. For a moment he thinks that it isn't just marriage or courtship as a concept which distresses her, but the one offers. Then she continues, clarifies, and he relaxes again.

When she finishes speaking her resolve aloud, Logan smiles and though he resists kissing her on the lips he presses a kiss firmly to her forehead. It's all he can do to focus his energy, forgetting that they're not under scrutinising eyes as they were at the fair.

"And I choose you in turn," he assures her. "I wish for nothing more than to begin making plans to ensure you and the world know that wholeheartedly, even though it is too late to act. I am afraid I'm not sure where to go from here, in this very moment."